when i remember...

alicia... andrew... andy... angela... anneke... carl... dayspring... dori... doug... engin... guido... hans... harald... heidi... mayowa... ned... nico... sam... shawna... tine...

"the pain now is part of the happiness then... that's the deal..."

i feel sick to my stomach... sick to my heart... it still hurts... i just saw many of you... yet still i deeply miss all of you...

though i failed miserably... though the night falls... though i'm still tangled... though i don't yet know how to deal with myself...

this was life really lived... this is... tears... this is unfinished... i am unfinished... there is hope...